To sell is human because meaningful connection, service – love is human.  Love is not primarily a feeling.  Love in its most powerful form is a verb, it is active.  To love someone is to take loving actions toward them, to serve, to honor, to anticipate need, to put the object of adoration before oneself and to love in their language.   

Of course unrequited loving action is not sustainable so a loving relationship requires this sort of action on both sides.  One-upmanship, self-centeredness, co-dependance, oblivion, manipulation, win / loose negotiation are common elements to the individual pursuit of happiness.  A selfish tact may lead to some temporary wins, some moments of pleasure, but in the end adds up to a shallow existence. Meaningful relationships, enduring relationships can only be forged when two people put the other’s needs, wants and desires ahead of their own.   In so doing, both parties’ needs are met in a profound and interconnected way.  

To sell is human because love is human.  While there are certainly a lot of differences between a personal, romantic, family or friendly relationship and a business relationships, the parallels are profound. 

Discovery

Think of the attention and obsession that goes into the early stages of a romantic relationship.  I’m talking about the time before it is clear that there is a mutual interest.  The amount of energy that goes into the interpretation of cues is ridiculous, analyzing every glance, every comment, every incidental trace of physical contact. The little things are rich with data.  Curiosity is the key to connection.  When the early chemistry is right this curiosity leads to a rich two way discovery process.  “Hey baby, let me tell you all about me” will only work with the codependent and insecure.  A healthy loving modus operandi is to go first and throw oneself headlong into a selfless discovery process.  

The prospecting stage of sales is really no different.  So many times sales people go to market like some cheesy douche – “hey baby, like my car?  Let’s go back to my place.”   Totally objectifying the prospect, looking for a client that will meet carnal financial or sales quota needs. “What is your current rate?  I’ll beat it.”  Any customer worth their salt will reject this type of an approach.  You might pick up some business this way, but is it really wise to marry your career to this type of a cheap transactional relationship?  

The discovery deepens in a healthy business relationship as you move into what resembles the dating phase.  While everyone tends to put their best selves forward during this time, it is critical to be open during this time because this is where the foundational rules of engagement and expectations for the relationship are being established.  The customer is observing you, the sales person, to assess whether you are relationship material, willing and able to do what you say you will do when you say they will do it.  Every email, every appointment, every small commitment matters.  There is no room for error in this phase for the sales driver, you better be on your game because it is easy for your prospect to cut and run at this point.  

Tying the knot

We want the customer and they want to do business with us, we negotiate terms and tie the knot.  If we have done a diligent job in the discovery process, the early days of our matrimony should be similar to a honeymoon.  Everything is new, everyone is on their best behavior and there might even be an appreciation for our new partner’s quirky traits and nuanced needs.  

The most obvious and moronic misstep at this point is for the sales person to disappear and completely outsource service to the delivery team.  I have been on the customer side of this a few times.  A suave sales person breaks through, makes a connection, sells a vision of what our work life will be like together and then after I sign they don’t call…..they don’t write.  They make the sale and then set sail.  I thought we had something but I’m left ruminating over the revelation that it was just a cheap passing fling. I know some companies almost require this, but don’t you do it, it is not service and it certainly is not love.  I am not saying a sales person should “hug” their business, but they do need to be extremely dialed into the customer’s needs, emotions and perception during the integration of the delivery team.  You are who they did the deal with, be present!     

The engaged sales person will notice the new commitment level raises the stakes in the relationship.  As the inevitable early mishaps and mistakes arise, they are critical testing points for your fledgling partnership.  This is your opportunity.  Good times don’t make great relationships, difficult times do.  That is if they are handled well.  Now is the time to test your meddle as a partner.  Problem solving is your time to shine.  

The Long Run

It has been said that the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.  Just as most marriages die from apathy, most business deals die from indifference. Any long-term relationship must be tended to and regularly reinvented or it will rot.  In time the newness and passion fades and those cute quirky traits and nuanced needs become a nuisance. Your client’s business is constantly evolving and their needs are changing but you’ve stopped paying attention.  You’ve lost your curiosity and passion.  They are starting to resent you for it.  

The thing is, your customer still has all those attractive attributes that drew you to them in the first place, you just can’t see them anymore.  Be assured, there are suitors who are completely dialed in, listening, bringing new ideas and passion to make a play for your customer.  They are certainly pointing out your lack of attention and fomenting feelings of discontent.  But you didn’t know that “they like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain” because you stopped paying attention.  There is nothing more tragic than a relationship that dies from apathy.  

The discovery process never ends.  Don’t assume you know what is going on just because you have been working with a customer for a long time, we must stay curious.  When was the last time you showed your work or brought a new idea to your long-term client?  Sometimes serving your clients means respectfully challenging them or demonstrating tough love,  Other times it means taking the high road and overlooking an offence. 

To Sell Well is to Love Well

How would it feel to approach sales in this way?  Enduring relationships are rare and bring richness to life.  To sell is human and humane.  Certainly success will follow anyone who goes to market with this mindset.  To sell well is to love well.